I’m probably starting too late in the game to make this work, but here’s the goal — I’m going to provide parody lyrics so you can sing along with each nation’s anthem in the World Cup.

We start with the opening game between two totally democratic and peaceful countries, Russia and Saudi Arabia!

RUSSIA

We’re hosting the World Cup
It’s too late to stop us
You say that we’re despots; we say “yo’ mama!”

Our dear shirtless Putin
(This line is redacted)
At least our great leader knows our anthem’s words!

Hooome-laa-annd, home-land
We sing ou-ur praise here
Almost as good as “The Americans” (singing note: stress that last syllable!)

Thank you for casting Keri
But, Sarah Palin, please shut up
Or we will hack all of your xBox games

Yes we wrote an anthem with changes in meter
That should teach you all to leave our (bleep) alone
Our hooligans fighting in woods south of Moscow
It’s better than flying to Vladivostok

Weeeee gave the world Tchaikovsky
And great writers like Tolstoy
So get the hell off all our freaking backs! 

Yes, it is really cold up here
You try living in permafrost
FIFA won’t let us play all the rest

(Actually, they probably won’t even get that far. But it’s in Russia, so who knows?)

SAUDI ARABIA

(Instrumental intro — note where the singing starts in the clip above)

We are free, assuming you are male …
If you aren’t, could you please wear a veil?

Our biggest fear is the electric car (boo, Elon)
(skipping this line)
Oil is ours!

Desert heat … prepares us for the next World Cup
And remember ’94 — that goal! Owairan!

Guns and planes, we’ve got ’em by the ton
And we’ve even got some Cinnabon

Our biggest fear is the electric car (boo, Elon)
(skipping this line)
Oil is ours!

All our team … plays here in our domestic league
Can we sign somewhere that’s cooler — hey, PSG!